6 Things You Should Not Do To Become A Very Successful Novelist

Let’s start with the painful truth. I’m not a very successful novelist. Moderately successful, yes. 

But successful enough to send the day job (copywriting) packing off into the sunset with a raw behind? Nope.

 

So here’s what I’ve learned in over a decade of not being a particularly successful novelist. A list of 6 quick and easy things you should not do unless you want to risk being in roughly the same place you are now ten years down the line.

 

DON’T NOT CHEAT WHEN IT COMES TO REVIEWS

I’ve never bought a single review from those ‘suppliers’ who offer to wax lyrical about your book, despite only ever reading the blurb (if that). And look where that honest approach has got me. (By the way, the genuine reviews I have got have been very helpful.)

 

DON’T BELIEVE THE MYTH THAT HARD WORK WILL GET YOU REWARDS IN THE END

I’ve put in plenty of hard work, late nights, eye strains, cramps in the bottom, etc, and none of it has paid off to any great degree yet. So maybe slacking off and using more comfortable chairs is the answer.

 

DON’T NOT GIVE UP

These are all awkward double negatives, I know, but it’s the only way to get my message across. I’ve not given up. I’ve kept on writing, but still that breakthrough eludes.

 

DON’T NOT STOP SUBMITTING TO AGENTS TO PUBLISHERS

I’ve not stopped submitting work to agents and publishers and I still get rejected, or ignored. No biggie.

 

DON’T NOT FEEL DOOM AND GLOOM OR WONDER IF IT’S WORTH IT

I’ve never felt down about the rejections or non-replies. It’s par for the course. But is this positive, never say die attitude getting me anywhere? Absolutely not.

 

DON’T NOT PUT LINKS TO YOUR BOOKS WHEREVER YOU CAN

I’ve resisted the temptation to put a link to my best seller here. You’re here to read, not to buy. But maybe you should consider putting links to your books wherever you can. I wish you luck!

New zombie apocalypse novel. Coming soon.

Bluff Cove. Cornwall. The unwitting epicentre of a bloody zombie uprising, freakish alien landing and fake chemical spillage is now in lockdown, armed forces taking out the remaining isolated pockets of zombie activity. 

Battling not to join the legion of the undead is PC Jake Rodwell. Nursing a zombie bite, he's straddling the chasm between life and death.

As the criminal underworld smells blood and moves in to rid itself of his scourge, Rodwell is ready to jump into the abyss. But Bannen's news about Rodwell's wife and daughter forces Rodwell into a battle to remain human and fight his way out of Bluff Cove. His mission to rescue his daughter from the clutches of a force even more destructive than the encroaching zombie apocalypse.

A KILLING SPREE AND SOME BLOODY ZOMBIES brings a flesh twist to the zombie genre, exploring the parallels between zombification and ageing, while ensuring readers hungry for a diet of flesh-ripping bites and head-turning decapitations get their fill.

Will the world unite against a common enemy?

It's one of the questions asked in the novel A Big Bluff And Some Green Stuff, and no doubt many a story. It would be great to think that the presence of an outside force would cause traditional enmities to be forgotten, divisions to be healed, and the world to join together to defeat the invaders.

Sadly, much of what's happened since the invisible enemy of COVID-19 began to attack our race suggests the world isn't uniting against a common enemy on a scale we'd perhaps hoped. Old divisions remain, the blame game persists. Shame. That needs to change. 

At least in A Big Bluff And Some Green Stuff, former enemies do bury the hatchet. Often in the skulls of vicious (and highly visible) zombie aliens intent on destroying the human race.

But that's another story.

A flesh twist on the zombie genre.

jonlymon.com and jonlymon.co.uk in facelift shocker

Yes, I've given the old websites a facelift.
And not before time, I hear some cry.

Well, don't get upset, it's looking pretty good even if I do say so myself.

Check out what a new lick of paint can do here.

Children's Picture Book Erin Robin And The Hungriest Cat OUT NOW

This children's picture book can be purchased for a similar price to posh cat food and decent bird food from here. 

Jack Reacher Book Review. One Shot by Lee Child

Annoying.

I didn't buy this to like it! I bought it to see what best sellers read like. I didn't expect to zip through it in little over a week and actually enjoy it.

Bugger. No, no, no. That wasn't the idea at all.

I was feeling a bit smug at the start as I struggled with the opening. But brave old me persevered and when Jack Reacher finally turned up in the pages of his own book, all six-five, broad expanse of him, dressed like someone out of Miami Vice, I found it a rewarding experience. Although Tom Cruise playing him in the movie??? Let me check Reacher’s description again… 

Let’s move on to the writing, which flowed like blood into the drains around the town square where five seemingly innocent people get shot down by a sniper. Lee Child even has his own style quirk, starting some sentences midway through. I like writing quirks. And it's refreshing to find them floating around in the mainstream.

The plot was tight, the writing convincingly American, given the writer hails from my side of the pond. It’s easy to see why the Reacher series is so popular, he’s a likeable outsider, well versed in the stealthy moves needed to evade the various nasties who want to ‘pop a cap in his bottom’ to use watered-down parlance.

Yes, maybe the ending was over a little quickly, but that’s how Reacher likes to operate. Get in, do the business and then get out before any of the ladies he’s impressed try to tie him down.