Beware Kobo Plus

Life's too short, and they're too long.

I speak, of course, of Ts and Cs. Terms and Conditions. That great swathe of uniquely dreary legal text, usually in a font too small to comfortably read that we all scroll through as quickly as we can and click Agree.

No one reads this dire, lifeless, technical text and everyone knows this. Everyone. Including Kobo.

I recently signed up a few of my books to Kobo Plus to see if it could breathe life into the frankly appalling sales on that platform.

It didn't.

But when I wanted to delist my ebooks and return them to exclusivity on Amazon, the delist button was pale. Unclickable. Unresponsive. Might as well have not been there. Aaaagh!

I had no option other than to write to Kobo, asking why I couldn't withdraw my books.

Here's the response:

You what!? 6 months! Where did it say that?

In the Ts and Cs of course, which I didn't read, because no one reads Ts and Cs. Everyone knows that. Everyone.

I'm currently in the process of trying to withdraw the books inside the 6 month period.


In the meantime, don't fall into the same trap.

Right. I'm off to read some Ts and Cs.

Obrigado! Who's The Daddy No.12 in Brazil...

The book's a work of non-fiction, and so is this news:

Who's The Daddy, my (semi) humorous look at the roles males are expected to play when being father to their children is No 12 in Brazil. Look...

It's the yellow one, in case you missed it.

Is this the result of my recent rewrite of some of my book blurbs to be more SEO?

Perhaps it's too early to say, but thanks Brazil for buying some lemon yellow Lymon.

Here's some of the blurb...

Reasons to buy Who's The Daddy? Well, it's

* LIGHT-HEARTED - being a dad is good fun and this book reflects that
* A LIGHT READ - well, you haven't got time for novels anymore
* LIGHT YELLOW - not enough books out there are light yellow. Who's The Daddy attempts to address this ridiculous state of affairs.
* LIGHT ON YOUR POCKET - your level of disposable income is about to come down as you pay for disposable nappies/diapers and the like. The price of this book reflects that.

Buy Who's The Daddy? for yourself if you're a dad, for your partner if they're a dad, for your brother, son, uncle, cousin if they're a dad and for your dad if he's a dad. It's guaranteed to have new born babies drooling all over it.

And clicking here will take the few people left in Brazil who have yet to buy Who's The Daddy, straight to the page.

Obrigado

Is It Spring Yet Enters Top 30 Children's Books about Foxes

Is It Spring Yet? my children's picture book about a dozy hedgehog and a hungry fox has sneaked its way into the US Top 30...

New Product Description For My Non-Fiction Book Who's The Daddy

Being an erstwhile writer of copy, much of which requires some SEO TLC these digital days, I've decided to apply many of the sales tricks I've learned while writing other product descriptions to my own book descriptions.

And I've started with my 'Who's The Daddy' book.

There's a screenshot of what I've written below. The write-up is full of keywords and key phrases which, in theory, should make it easier for people to find this book if, say, they are looking for a book about 'being a dad' - a phrase I have included in the write-up at least twice.

All this SEO (Search Engine Optimisation) should also, again in theory, help this book feature more highly in search engine results.

It will take some time to see whether this 'product description' approach to writing book blurbs bears any fruit. If it does, I will let you know. If it doesn't, I will let you know.

Here's a link to the Amazon page with the SEO copy

But to prove this whole post isn't some cheap stunt to get you to visit the page and click buy, I've included a screenshot below.

Is CreateSpace Finished?

So Amazon KDP is now providing the same service as CreateSpace. Print on demand for your digital books. Does that mean CreateSpace is finished? Kaput? Finito?

The upside - the price. CreateSpace's printing costs were so exorbitant, your beloved paperback had to retail at silly dollars per copy for you to make any kind of royalty.

Hence sales were slow to the point of non-existent.

The might of Amazon means they can print your slaved-over words on request for a fraction of the price, so a paperback of your work now needn't cost north of a newly released hardback, signed, with a gold foil finish dust jacket.

The downside? Of course there is one. If you let Amazon paperback your words, you have to remove them from CreateSpace. Forever.

For. Ever.

And unlike CreateSpace, Amazon won't be making your paperbacks available to rivals like Barnes & Noble. Oh no. This is a move towards monopolisation. And I, for one, am backing it.

In my experience, CreateSpace wasn't a viable revenue stream. Sure, I sold a few copies. But the price was a barrier. At least on Amazon, my paperbacks can be sold for a reasonable price.

So I've shifted over my novels. And I have to say the whole procedure was embarrassingly easy, especially for books already on CreateSpace.

The jury's still out as to whether or not I've made a good move. But with paperbacks making a vinyl style comeback, here's hoping more self-pubbed authors can jump a bit of that bandwagon.

Zombies Will Rise Again In 2017 Zombies Versus Aliens Novel By Jon Lymon

A new zombie novel will rise from the cess pit of the undead in 2017.

But the zombies in A BIG BLUFF AND SOME GREEN STUFF won't have exclusive access to the local delicacy of human flesh.

They will have to battle aliens intent on wiping out the human race.

The Top 5 Self Publishing Platforms Of 2016

Cutbacks mean no host could be afforded for this year's virtual ceremony. Not even a virtual one. This is the age of austerity don't you know.

But as the awards enter their third year, the excitement is almost palpable as people await the announcement of the best self-publishing platform of 2016 with an eagerness normally only reserved for the Oscars.

So without further ado or don't, here's the countdown of the top 5 self-publishing platforms of 2016.

5th: DRAFT2DIGITAL
Nothing happening here. I actually thought the platform had sunk. Been taken down. I mean, the first blog post this year happened in August. By then I'd pulled all my books.

4th: KOBO
Still pretty much a nogo platform. There's no way to promote your work on here. No option to run a freebie.

3rd: CREATESPACE
Still the only place to offer self-published books in print without having to pay for it. Sadly, customers are the ones who have to pay, with each copy inordinately expensive and hence rarely purchased.

2nd: SMASHWORDS
Comfortably second, but a long way from first. I've moved all my novels off the platform because of lack of decent sales. Yes, freebies 'sell' well, and their freebie promotion in March shifts a few, but the platform is suffering, like all self-publishing platforms, from too many books and not enough buyers.

1st: AMAZON
2016 ends with nearly all my books registered on KDP Select. It's proving the most lucrative platform right now, with Kindle Unlimited and the Kindle Owners Lending Library being two innovations that are helping get my work seen by new eyes. It's sad that other platforms cannot hope to emulate Amazon. There's just too many wannabee authors out there and not enough readers prepared to take a risk and buy books by authors they've not heard of.

No one from Amazon was available to collect their virtual award, and no one was available to accept it on their behalf or by a video link from somewhere sunny. Here's hoping 2017 is less austere, and the other platforms can do more to shift books by selfpubbers.



Previous winners:
2014  Smashwords
2015  Amazon