Top Of The Bots - reinstate book downloads carried out by Bots.

Forget official best seller lists.

I wanna know which books are favourites with the web crawling Bots.

This follows on from my previous post, which dealt with Smashwords' decision not count downloads and sample downloads of books requested by Bots.

Crazy, or what? Maybe even a little racist. These Bots know a good book when they see it. It's obvious. Because ever since Smashwords started disregarding the actions of Bots, my downloads have hit the proverbial brick wall.

It's like these poor Bots don't count. How can that be right? These Bots must be scanning millions of books a day. They know how to sort the wheat from the chaff. The Lymons from the lemons.

So let's get their opinions back on the sales radars. Humans and Bots can happily co-exist, with everyone's opinion counting. Surely?

I'm backing the Bots.

American English vs English English IV

Round 4

Fall vs Autumn

Some topicality to the blog at last. The time of year is right for this post. It's a trender for sure.

In the USA, this time of year is called FALL, and you can see why. It's when leaves fall from trees right? And when people fall over when they slip on the fuckers after they've been lying on the ground for ages and gone all mulchy and almost become part of the pavement/sidewalk.

In the UK it's called AUTUMN, and I can't think of a single reason why.

America has this one wrapped up, which is exactly what you need to be doing at this time of year. Brrrrrr.

USA 2.5  UK 1.5

The Day Smashwords Died. It's Off To KDP Select We Go

Mid-August. Height of summer. Something terrible happened.

Smashwords, my favourite publishing platform up until then did something devastating.

They stopped counting ebook downloads carried out by search engines and web-crawling robots.

So my sample downloads fell off a cliff. Shuddered to a halt. Hit a brick wall, the size of a very large brick wall/

I don't know what's worse - the realisation that many sample downloads of my titles were carried out by machines (with great taste in the written word, it has to be said) before the change, or the fact I was getting so few downloads after it.

Either way, it was the day Smashwords died for me.

Fair play to Smashwords, though. They've done this for the right reason, so authors can be more sure that downloads actually equal a human showing an interest, rather than a bot having a laugh. But if I was Smashwords, I'd have left it alone, and let authors like me think our books were doing OK.

But it's happened, and I've had to take action, delisting a lot of my titles and moving them over to Amazon for exclusivity on KDP Select. Let's hope the bots that love my work get busy, and Amazon counts their downloads of my work!

American English vs English English. III

Round 3

Sneakers vs Trainers

Some free advertising for you here, Adidas. I'm sure the cheque's/check's in the post/post. (Whoever leaves their shoes like that and where are the ends of the laces? Anyway, onto the point of the post.)

In America, these are SNEAKERS. A covert, perhaps a little snidey word that suggests these are put on to creep around the place, avoid detection, do something a little bit naughty/undercover.

In Britain, they're TRAINERS, a straight-up no messing description. Wear these when you're in training, right? Except people don't. You can slob on a sofa in these.

Not happy with either word from either side here. So a dishonourable draw. 1.5 - 1.5

American English vs English English II

Round 2:
Diaper vs Nappy

Avert your gaze if you're averse to soiled garments.

Actually, it's OK. This one's straight out of the packet. Not been called into action yet.

West side of the Atlantic, it's a DIAPER. Quite a technical, medical sounding word to my ears, even a bit of Wiper about it, which is what someone will be required to be once the thing's been used.

East side, it's NAPPY land.  A bit of a childish sounding name (apt) with a hint of soppy and sloppy about it (the second one definitely apt).

Given the target market for these things, this round's going to ENGLISH ENGLISH. 1-1.

American English vs English English

Round 1: Faucet vs Tap

The first in an occasional series looking at objects that are called different things depending on which side of the Atlantic you're on. Whose word do I prefer? Whose word do you prefer? Who gives a sh!t?

Look at this chunky silver beauty.

On the left side of the Atlantic, it's called a FAUCET. A strong, chunky word that suggests you really have to put a bit of effort into getting something out of this sturdy edifice. Force it open, etc.

On the right side, it's a TAP. Short, sweet, but borrowed from elsewhere. Not original. If I drum my fingertips on a table, that's a tap. People can be tapped up. Shoes can be tap.

This one's going to AMERICAN ENGLISH. 1-0

Ode To Shopping’s Busiest Road.

I’m back working near Oxford Street after a while away and it seems like the famous shopping strip is being dismantled. And there’s nothing we can do to stop it.

Huge blocks along both sides of the street have gone. Disappeared, their absence disguised behind high hoardings and scaffolding.

It seems every building project in London that promises underground parking, a predominantly glass facade and excellent energy performance certificates is getting green lit.

My memory fails me most times when I try and think of the buildings that have been lost. Brick based structures with a bit of character, most probably. But no underground parking, glass facade etc. etc.

Pre 2010 London is fast disappearing. Crossrail takes a large slice of the blame, certainly around Tottenham Court Road at Oxford Street’s eastern end. The Astoria is long gone, the area currently a mess of a building site, the result of compulsory purchase orders.

It’ll look smart when it’s finished. Characterless, I suspect. But smart. Trouble is, when will it finish? Which block along Oxford St that's more than five years old faces the demolition ball next? And when will the urge to update, modernise and provide more glass frontage end?